Elrond's Very Bad Day
by AustralianRanger012
Summary: A heatwave hits Imladris. Starring: Glorfindel and his hair. Erestor and his fear of dying from a mortal condition. Elrond trying not to facepalm. Lindir being awesome. Celebrian and Arwen being sensible, and the twins being themselves. Oh, and Imladris gets flooded. Warning: This story is slightly crackish.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the recognisable characters in this story, and make no money from them. This story** **is purely a work of fanfiction, and written for fun.**

 **Well, it seems I can write humour, so long as that humour happens at someone's expense. Poor Elrond. This one-shot does not belong to any of my LOTR Universes in particular, but could easily take place in any of them, or even be considered Canon.** **The idea of having a heatwave hit Imladris, and having everyone respond to it in dramatic ways, came about during a conversation with a friend a couple of days ago. Before I realised what was happening, my Plot Bunnies had grabbed the idea, and bolted. This is the result.**

 **Without further ado, enjoy! I certainly had fun writing it...**

* * *

 **Elrond's Very Bad Day (alternate titles: Elrond Needs A Holiday By Himself; Poor Elrond; Glorfindel Is A Drama Queen; Poor, Poor Elrond)**

It was a hot summers day in Imladris.

Now, that might not sound like a big deal and, in the normal course of events, it wouldn't be. Elves are not generally affected by the weather (unlike mortals, they do not wear heavy clothes and furs in winter, preferring light wool cloaks if anything beyond their normal clothing was needed. In summer, they might switch out their winter robes for short-sleeved tunics and no shoes, but they rarely went further than that). However, this was the twentieth consecutive hot summers day, and even the elves were starting to feel the temperature. Some more so then others.

While most of Imladris's population was currently seeking the coolest places they could, and trying not to pant from the heat, one elf had much bigger problems to contend with.

Glorfindel, the former Gondolin Lord of the House of the Golden Flower, the Balrog Slayer, and one of the only elves to have been sent back from Valinor to Middle Earth with the Valar's blessing, looked at Elrond in panic.

"Elrond, what do I do? I cannot go out in public looking like this!"

Elrond pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You could tie it up in a ponytail, or a bun."

Glorfindel looked horrified at the suggestion.

"And not have my glorious golden mane flying free for all to admire? Elrond, that is NOT a solution to the problem!"

Elrond did not see how it couldn't be. He did not see why Glorfindel even needed to come to him with this. Just because he was the Lord of Imladris, everyone seemed to think he magically had all the answers to their problems.

Well, News Flash; he didn't.

Glorfindel was not impressed by Elrond's silence, and practically pleaded with him.

"Elrond, I need your assistance! My hair is at stake here! It is getting stiff and damp from being on my neck! What do I do?"

Cut it off, Elrond thought privately, then it wouldn't be a problem. However, he did not really mean it; the heat having made him a bit short-tempered. He knew what elves were like over their hair, and Glorfindel was worse than most. Elrond suspected it had something to do with how he'd died. Rumour had it his hair had played a part in what happened.

Though how someone's hair could play a part in their dying, Elrond had not known. Up to now. Now, he could totally see how Glorfindel's hair could kill him. It could potentially kill Elrond as well, if he did not find a solution to the problem.

Seriously, when did everyone decide _he_ alone could solve all their problems? Elrond seemed to have missed that meeting.

"If you do not want to tie it back, then why not put it up in a braid? Or two braids, one on either side of your head. That way, your neck does not have hair on it, yet everyone can still admire the length. Glorfindel, I know you love having your hair free, but the only way to get it off your neck, and solve this problem, is to tie it back in some way."

Glorfindel's shoulders drooped.

"You really think so? I have no choice but to tie it back in some form?"

Elrond nodded.

"Yes. The way I see it, it's that, or cut it all off. Either way, you will no longer have hair laying on your neck, and the problem is solved."

Glorfindel looked completely horrified by Elrond's second suggestion.

"No, I will NOT allow ANYONE to make me CUT IT OFF. Not even the heat. I slayed a Balrog, I came back from the dead, and managed to keep my long hair beautiful the whole time. I will not be now defeated by the weather!"

After declaring these thing, Glorfindel took his leave, to go and figure out some hairstyle that would get the hair off his neck. Thank goodness that's sorted, Elrond though thankfully. He knew Glorfindel took great pride in his hair, but this was bordering on ridiculousness. Elrond had taken to tying his hair up to keep it off his neck during this hot spell, so why couldn't Glorfindel simply do the same?

Because he was Glorfindel, that's why. He never did things the easy way, if doing them the hard and/or dramatic way would work just as well.

Elrond sighed.

Even if there was no coolness to be found in it, he needed fresh air. Talking with Glorfindel had drained him of the little energy he had possessed.

Elrond wandered out into the gardens, which were also feeling the heat. The flowers and plants had wilted days ago, and even the moss that normally covered the damper places had dried out and shrivelled up. This weather really was atrocious, Elrond though, as he looked up to the blue sky, hope against hope he would see a rain cloud. However, the sky was perfectly clear, just like it had been for days. They had to get some rain soon, the Peredhil elf thought. In all his thousands of years of life, he'd never seen things so dry.

As Elrond stood there, the soft sound of laughter reached his ears. Recognising Celebrian's voice, Elrond smiled and headed towards it. After the drama that was dealing with Glorfindel, some quite time with his wife would be nice.

Elrond followed the laughter, and soon found both his wife and daughter. They were sitting on the shaded bank of the river, dangling their bare feet in the water. Arwen was fanning her mother with a white feather fan, and Celebrian was returning the favour with one of her own. They were giggling and splashing water at each other, and both looked up and smiled when they saw Elrond.

"Elrond, dear, you look a bit frazzled. What is the matter?"

Celebrian smiled her gentle smile at him, and Elrond felt some of the tension and irritation melt away as he heavily sat down next to them.

"It was Glorfindel. He wanted me to find a solution for how to keep his hair off his neck."

Celebrian's eyes widened.

"And what did you tell him to do?"

"Tie it up in a bun, ponytail, or braid. He didn't want to; said he wanted it loose and flowing so people could admire it. It took me ages to convince him tying it up was the only solution to getting it off his neck. I swear that elf is in love with his own hair or something."

Arwen started giggling hysterically when she heard that. The young elf hid her face behind the fan and tried to muffle her laughter; even as her shoulders shook in mirth. Even Celebrian could not help but smile in amusement when she heard of Glorfindel's predicament.

"Poor Glorie. He really does love his hair, doesn't he? He must think this heat really is killing it if he consented to putting it up. For as long as I've known him, I don't think I have ever seen him without at least part of it down."

Elrond smiled at his wife's observations, even as he noticed her and Arwen both had their hair in elaborate braided updos to keep it off their necks. Elrond's ponytail seemed very amateurish and plain by comparison. Though it was equally as effective, and the Lord of Imladris made a mental note to ask Celebrian to do his hair up tomorrow.

He should at least try to keep up his appearance, even if Imladris was on the verge of baking in this heat wave.

After spending some time with his wife and daughter, Elrond left them. He did not want to, but he had to go and finish writing the letter he'd been working on before Glorfindel had disturbed him.

As he passed by the gardens, Elrond suddenly heard a mighty splash, followed by a noise that sounded like someone was dying. In sudden panic Elrond all but ran towards the sound, fearing that someone was indeed dying.

However, the last thing he'd expected to see was his faithful councillor, Erestor, lying flat out on his back in the shallows of Imladris's main fountain, fully-clothed, a look of utter bliss on his face. His eyes were closed, but his chest was still rising and falling, so Elrond knew he wasn't dead at least. But still, _why was he lying flat on his back in the shallows of Imladris's main fountain_?

"Erestor, are you alright?"

When he heard his Lord's voice, Erestor smiled brightly. His eyes, however, remained closed.

"Elrond! Come and join me?"

The elf Lord blinked.

"Excuse me?"

Erestor continued talking, seemingly not having heard Elrond's question.

"It is so hot, and you are so cool, water. So cool and refreshing. Please let me stay with you! I may die otherwise!"

Elrond seriously wondered if the heat was making him see and hear things that weren't there, or if Erestor was really talking to the water in the fountain.

"Erestor, are you okay? Do you require medical assistance?"

The elf smiled, and shook his head.

"No, so long as I can stay here, I will be fine. I will not die of heatstroke, like the mortals are want to do."

Elrond blinked in confusion.

"What is heatstroke?"

Erestor opened his eyes, and frowned at Elrond.

"You do not know what heatstroke is?"

Elrond shook his head.

"I'm afraid I have never heard of it before."

"Heatstroke is when the heat is so bad, it causes you to die."

Elrond blinked again.

"Seriously? Heat can actually kill you?"

Erestor nodded emphatically.

"Yes. The party from Bree that was here last month spoke of it. They wanted to know if it happened to elves. I told them I did not know, but that it was unlikely. However, I have since changed my mind. Heatstroke can certainly happen to elves. Ahhhhh. Water, you are so cool."

Elrond continued to eye Erestor off suspiciously.

"And what are the symptoms of this 'heatstroke'?"

Erestor shrugged.

"They didn't say much, just that it can cause death. Though one did mention symptoms can involve confusion, rapid breathing and headaches. Mortals treat the condition by cooling the person down, which normally involves putting them in the nearest cool body of water."

Elrond raised an eyebrow.

"Is that why you are currently lying on your back in the fountain?"

Erestor did not open his eyes.

"Yes. I have heatstroke, and this is the best way to treat it. Now, if you have finished asking pointless questions, would you please go, and leave me to my heatstroke in peace?"

Elrond was not so sure leaving Erestor alone was a good idea right now (as his behaviour was a little odd, even if he didn't have heatstroke), but that letter needed to be written and sent this afternoon. Looking around for an answer, Elrond heard someone coming towards him down the hallway, and called out.

"Who's there?"

The voice that answered him was soft and musical.

"It is just I, Lindir, my Lord Elrond. I was trying to write a new poem when I heard an almighty splash, and came to investigate what caused it…"

As he finished speaking, Lindir came into view, and his voice trailed off as he caught sight of Erestor. He simply stood there, opening and closing his mouth like a fish, for some time. When he finally found his voice again, Lindir looked at Elrond with wide eyes.

"My Lord, what has happened to Lord Erestor? Why is he laying in the fountain?"

Mercifully, Erestor answered the question before Elrond could think up a reply that wouldn't sound like he'd lost his mind.

"I have heatstroke, it is a mortal condition that can cause death, and you treat it by cooling the body down. Which means you lay in the coolest body of water you can find. For me, this just happened to be the fountain."

Lindir blinked several times. Slowly, his eyes rose, and he looked at Elrond. But it was a while before his tongue worked, and when it did, all eloquence had deserted him.

"Erestor was dying? So he jumped in the fountain to save himself?"

Elrond shrugged.

"That's what he said."

Lindir's mouth opened, but no words came out for some time.

"Oh."

Being reasonably certain that, despite his conviction, Erestor was _not_ about to die (Elrond seriously doubted this human condition could affect elves, but did make a mental note to study up on it more later) the leader of Imladris decided it was time for him to leave.

"Lindir, I must go and write an important letter, but I do not want to leave Erestor alone. Would you please stay with him, and make sure he is alright?"

The light-brown haired elf was still in shock, and just stood there mutely. Elrond quickly strode off before the minstrel recovered his voice, and started objecting. He was sure, once Lindir recovered from his shock (and seriously, one could not blame him for that. It was not every day one saw Erestor, one of the most important councillors in Imladris, lying flat on his back in a fountain) that the minstrel would be planning how he could put this event into a song, without having Erestor try and strangle him for it. Unless he wrote a ballad about how Erestor the Earnest beat the Heatstroke…

Despite himself, Elrond giggled, and suddenly hoped that Lindir _would_ write something like that to commemorate the occasion. It would be entertaining if nothing else. Elrond wondered if he could possibly talk Lindir into writing it, as he had his doubts that the quiet minstrel would be brave enough to do it of his own accord. He was loyal, but inclined to be rather timid.

It was yet another thing to consider later. Right now, he had a letter to write.

* * *

Mercifully, no one needed Elrond for the rest of the morning, and he managed to finish the letter just before lunch. Lunch was a very quiet affair, with only Elrond, Celebrian, Arwen and Glorfindel present. Though when he saw Glorfindel, Elrond had had to quickly turn a giggle into a coughing fit.

The golden-haired elf's hair was done up in two HUGE braided ponytails, one on either side of his head. They frankly looked quite ridiculous, but Glorfindel was so proud of them, that Elrond had not the heart to say anything negative. Especially not when it had taken forever to convince the golden-haired warrior to put his hair up to begin with. Celebrian and Arwen were also clearly amused, but knowing the effort Elrond had put in to making Glorfindel do something, neither of them said anything about it. Though Arwen seemed to choke on every sip of water she took, Glorfindel mercifully did not notice.

Apart from that, lunch was uneventful, though Elrond did wonder where his sons were. They hadn't said anything to him at breakfast about not coming in for lunch, and part of Elrond's brain was worried they were planning to do something bad/something bad had happened to them. However, when he'd brought the subject up with Celebrian, she had quickly put his mind at rest.

"I saw them earlier. They spent some time with Arwen and I, before deciding to go swimming up river. Knowing them, they have probably lost track of time. They'll reappear when they get hungry."

That was very true, Elrond realised. The voice in his head also seemed satisfied with that answer, and fell silent, allowing Elrond to enjoy the rest of his meal. After it was cleared away, Elrond decided to read for a while in his first-floor study. It was still somewhat cool in there, it had a very comfortable chair, and hopefully no one would disturb him like they had that morning.

However, the Powers-That-Be had seemingly decided Elrond thrived on drama, without even consulting him first. He had been reading for less than an hour when worried shouting from outside disturbed him. Wondering what had happened, Elrond heaved himself up and put his feet on the floor, only for them to land ankle-deep in water.

Wait. Why was his study ankle-deep in water?

Elrond beat his own record in the time it took him to get from his study to the main hall. Which was also underwater.

"My Lord! The whole of Imladris is flooding! What is happening?"

Lindir hurried up to him, trying not to splash too much, and holding the hem of his long robe up. Because he was still wearing a long robe, even with the heat. It might be a short-sleeved one, but still. Elrond just shook his head in response to the question.

"The whole of Imladris?"

Lindir nodded in confirmation.

"Yes, there is water across the whole first-floor level and the gardens. My Lord, what would you have me do?"

Before Elrond could answer, Glorfindel splashed up to join them. The Balrog-slayer still had his hair done up in those ridiculous braids, but the situation was serious enough that Elrond did not feel like laughing this time. He had a bigger problem than Glorfindel's hair to worry about right now.

"Glorfindel, do you know what is happening?"

His friend shook his head.

"No, Elrond, I don't. I have sent some men to go and check up river, as that seems to be where the water is coming from."

Up-river. Oh dear. Elrond suddenly had a very good idea of who was responsible for Imladris being underwater.

"Glorfindel, Lindir; have either of you seen my sons since this morning?"

Both elves shook their heads, and Elrond felt his suspicions solidifying.

"Something tells me if we find the twins, we will also find the source of this water."

Glorfindel blinked.

"I have to go and join my men, but if I see them, would you like me to drag the elflings back by their ears?"

Elrond nodded.

"Yes please, after you have them tell you how to fix whatever they've broken this time."

Glorfindel left, and Elrond looked around him in despair.

"How do I deal with this?"

While the question was not addressed to him, Lindir still answered.

"A good start would be making sure everything that could be easily water-damaged is out of the water, my Lord."

Elrond almost smiled at the minstrel.

"That is a very good idea. Though hopefully there won't be much; I have never been so happy that the bedrooms, library and study are on the second-floors."

As they went through the rooms, Elrond run into Erestor, who smiled brightly upon seeing him.

"Elrond! I defeated the heatstroke! I am not dying anymore!"

The councillor's robes were still rather damp, but he seemed a lot more cheerful and sensible then he had earlier, Elrond was thankful to note.

"That is great, Erestor. Now, could you…"

But Erestor was not listening.

"And guess what! Lindir is going to write an epic poem to commemorate the occasion! It is not every day that one survives heatstroke after all. He even offered to do it, the occasion was so momentous."

Despite his current predicament, Elrond's lips twitched. He was looking forward to hearing _that_ poem. It seems he had underestimated Lindir's tact and cunning. Elrond made a mental note to talk with the minstrel later, and find out how he did it.

It was at that moment that Erestor noticed Elrond's mood.

"What is wrong, Elrond?"

For the second time that day, the elf Lord looked at Erestor worryingly.

"You really haven't noticed we are ankle-deep in water?"

Erestor blinked, and looked down at his feet.

"So we are. No, I hadn't noticed."

It took all Elrond's self-control not to facepalm.

"Well, now you know, could you please ensure everything that may be damaged by water is put somewhere dry?"

Erestor, now that he didn't think he was dying, was more than happy to help. However, it was not too long before the water started draining away, and no more came to take its place. Realising Glorfindel and his men must have found the cause and fixed it, Elrond breathed a sigh of relief as he stood in the hall, surveying the area. Nothing was water damaged that wouldn't dry out and be fine; all in all, things could have been much worse.

"Elrond, I found the culprits."

At Glorfindel's voice, the Lord of Imladris turned around. His suspicions as to who was responsible were immediately confirmed as he beheld his sons. The twins were wearing nothing but their trousers, and were sopping wet. Glorfindel was somehow mostly dry, and looked very smug as he pushed the elflings forward. True to his word, he had a firm hold of their ears to prevent them from running away. They were complaining about it, and wriggling around to try and make him let go, but Glorfindel had no intention of being caught out by any of their tricks. Eru knew it had taken him long enough to catch them.

Glorfindel finally let go of their ears, and pushed the half-naked twins towards their father. The golden-haired elf then planted himself between them and the door, to hopefully thwart an escape attempt until they had explained themselves.

Both twins were rubbing their sore ears resentfully, and Elrohir was the first to look up at his grim-faced father. Guilt and horror crept into his expression as he started edging away.

"Hi Ada! We, uh, had a little accident up river…"

Elladan finally looked at Elrond, and the elder twin's face rapidly paled as he too started edging away.

"Yes, Ada, just a little accident. But it was totally Elrohir's fault…"

The younger twin glared at him.

"Was not. You were the one who suggested we swing off the vines on that old tree!"

Elladan did not miss a beat.

"But you were the one who was convinced it would hold us both at once."

"And it did! Until the tree fell over and blocked the stream…"

Neither twin was paying a great deal of attention to where they were going, even as they continued arguing and slowly backing up, not taking their eyes fully off their father, whose expression did not change. However, in their hast to somehow avoid his wrath, they had seemingly forgotten about Glorfindel standing between them and the exit, and Elrohir backed straight into him. Yelping in shock, the younger twin turned to try and bolt for the door, only to slip on something just under the water which was still covering the ground (the floor in the hall being marginally lower than the floors in the surrounding areas), and go flying.

Elladan did not realise what was happening until his twin crashed into him, and then he too went down in a tangle of naked limbs and surprised shouts. However, the worst was yet to come. The twins had no control over where they were going, and skidded along the water covered floor on what later turned out to be a rug. It happened so fast, that Elrond himself did not register what was happening until he too was sitting in the water, his sons having crashed into _his_ legs, sending _him_ flying.

The twins froze, looks of sheer terror overtaking both their faces as they realised what they had just done. Glorfindel's eyes were bulging out a little, as he just stared at the scene before him, mouth hanging open.

Elrond facepalmed.

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 **The End**

* * *

 **Poor Elrond. The Universe has seemingly declared that he must suffer, so suffer he will. You have no idea how happy this one-shot made my Plot Bunnies.**

 **Also, I will be updating Tales from Mirkwood: Heritage, soon. I have not forgotten about it, but the remaining chapters have recently undergone a few major changes, and I am still ironing out the details.**

 **In the meantime, if you enjoyed this little bit of nonsense, please feel free to leave a review and let me know!**


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